I’ve been away for awhile.  I even had my site set to private for a bit.  I’ve spent a lot of time considering where I want this blog to go.

When I began this blog (this time) I envisioned sharing what has worked for me in getting the marriage, relationship and sex life I’ve wanted.  The problem is how I got here does not match what men have been taught women want.  I have discussed in previous posts the great divide between what women say they want and what they really want.

The funny thing is I envisioned having a primarily male following, yet most of my followers are female.  Which is awesome, I love that, but it just surprises me.

As I thought of ways to get more male followers and readers, I remembered reading somewhere in order to get more interest in your website or blog you should go to related sites and comment on their content.  It had more to do with marketing and trying to make sales off your site (I don’t sell anything) but I figured the same principle would work here.  Only as I searched for similar blogs, I found few to… none…  Most of them were too far to the right, almost to the point of hating women, or men who have good content but vehemently advise against marriage, or too religiously based.  Another big topic is married swingers or swapping.  Admittedly, the idea sounds good, but the thought of another dude fucking my wife sickens me.  Hotwife/cuckolded men has a huge presence for some reason I do not understand.  None of these were places I wanted to remain or fit my vision.

If any of you have any good married relationship/sex blog suggestions please share!

I am not educated in marriage counseling (or much else for that matter), nor do I claim to be an expert.  However, I know the steps I have taken and what has worked for me.  I was able to turn a marriage filled with unspoken disappointment and passive aggressive behavior to one of communication and happiness.  I just got back from a seven day vacation where we had sex every day.  On the day we got back I figured she needed a break so I put her to bed and went back out to watch a little TV.  However, I soon heard a voice call out, “Where are you Dad?” (She calls me Dad, it’s a pet name held over from when the kids were young, but now I just find it sexy).  She wanted more, so I of course obliged.

This may be regular for some of you, and really it is for us nowadays.  But, It wasn’t always this way.  Sex has been a struggle for us since the beginning.  Marriage didn’t help, kids didn’t help, the only thing that helped was reaching down and grabbing my nut sack, becoming the man that came naturally but I tried to suppress fearing it would offend my wife.  Only I found it was just what she was waiting for.  She wanted leadership in and out of the bedroom.  That’s all that was missing.  I believe it is what’s missing in many marriages today both unhappy and failed.

My goal is to share what worked for me… for us…  As I lay on the beach last week I decided to go with the Field of Dreams catch phrase,

“If you build it they will come.”

I will continue to write about what is working and what isn’t.  Things I observe and what I see as possible successful strategies as well as failures.  I hope I don’t offend my female or Christian followers in my observations, that is not my intention.  However, there was a time when I was one of those who may have read something about what it takes to build a successful marriage and been offended.  I was also an unhappy man who spent way too much time with rosy palm, alone in the glow of a laptop screen.  A sad existence to say the least…

6 thoughts on “Directions…

  1. i think your blog is so unique for the very reasons you’ve mentioned … b/c no one else that i’ve ever seen is writing these things. the theme of ‘stay in there because it gets better’ … is powerful. the themes of ‘being the man of authority in every area, including the bedroom,’ … and ‘wives submitting to and waiting on their husbands’ … are powerful. the theme of your wife doing what she was able and continuously trying to get better … is powerful. your ability to share details without oversharing is … really helpful and powerful.


      • you are welcome 🙂

        i think that what you do out here is unique … but it’s also not going to be ‘popular.’ and i say these things w/caution … but … in the general public and christian spheres:

        – women aren’t necessarily going to like it b/c what you talk about requires (1) submission to her husband, (2) willingly choosing to do what she can to make sex better and great, (3) it takes time and patience – and women these days tend to refuse both taking time and exercising patience.

        – men do not know how … or don’t for other reasons (not a man, so can’t speak to that) … have authority in their lives. and then, even when they do, they do not take the risk to take that authority into the bedroom (btw – women crave this authority in and out of the bedroom).

        – Christian women want to blame men for not being ‘godly men.’ (i’ve come to LOATHE that saying) … and they have all these crazy fantasy ideas about what a ‘godly man’ is and is not.

        – Christian men don’t know what or who to believe anymore b/c the church has totally punted on this all together, and totally punted on men being the ruler of women (Gen 3:16).

        – those men and women who get out to the internet looking for answers usually wait till they’re desperate b/c what they’ve been told isn’t working, but they’re generally not ready to take responsibility for their own choices, even and especially if the ‘didn’t know any better,’ … because ALL choices count, even if you didn’t know any better.

        i actually think that people need to begin here … where you are. they need to see the bigger picture and accept that there is a bigger picture – a picture that takes time, seasoning, patience … to develop into the kind of man and woman you and your wife are today.

        i think your story is powerful. but it’s powerful because of the layers of foundation you and your wife have developed over years … not months … but decades-long-years.

        we need people willing to step up and say, “Yes, it’s hard. Yes, there are rough years in this thing called Marriage in Life. But, yes, it’s worth it. Stay IN. Stick in there. Continue developing who you are and setting goals … and be willing to take risks.

        i love the idea – and reality – of taking two young people who grow up together in marriage and love and learning and growing. i think it’s sad that young kids are so flippant about sex and marriage that a lot of things are just no big deal anymore and have lost their appeal. what you and your wife have created is something beautiful … something to look forward to … it’s … hope.

        Liked by 1 person

      • A truly comprehensive summary of the problems people face in marriage and life. This should be presented as a post itself. Not because of the mention of my wife and I, but because of the clear outline of the issues keeping people from true happiness in their marriage.

        Liked by 1 person

      • wow. thank you.

        i have to be very cautious writing about men in this culture. first i do not want to disrespect them. but also b/c they’re tired of being ‘blamed’ for every.freakin.thing by women and the church. so when a woman writes this stuff, it immediately makes them defensive. so, i tend to back off of that and focus only on women.

        however … i wish more men understood how much women crave a man of authority who will not allow her to push him or manipulate him – in all areas, including and especially the bedroom.

        the man who have figured this out, like yourself, ‘get’ it. the men who haven’t, feel like we’re blaming them. i’m not sure how that should best be addressed, but i do know and accept that, as a woman, i have to be very cautious and mostly keep quiet.

        within that … i do accept that tragic reality that there are a lot of truly deluded women out there (i want to say stupid, but deluded might be a better word).

        there comes a place where we, as Christians, need, NEED, to read our bible and hold what we listen to and read otherwise against the bible – and discard what doesn’t hold up … which, unfortunately (though prophetically) is most of what’s out there IN christian churches and literature.

        God is the One who gave men authority. God placed men as rulers of women. and the church needs to acknowledge this and teach it and train men how to be rulers. otherwise, men feel (from what i understand) out of control with these things called women 😉 .

        i think the men who truly ‘get’ this understand and accept and even like the nature of women … that we’re coy and manipulative and have great abilities but also need great boundaries placed on us to keep us not only ‘in-line’ but also safe and secure mentally and emotionally as well as physically.

        here’s a little story you can probably relate to better than most b/c of your line of work 🙂

        my Aspie Girl has developed, just this year, an anaplylactic allergy to an unknown food substance. after three episodes, i got her into an allergist – she’s been tested out to wazoo and we still have no idea. however, when he gave us the epi-injector he cautioned not to be hesitant to use it. he said that the high failure rates (ie – death!) was due to people waiting too long to use it. he also said to call him when she reacted. not a week later, she reacted, and i had to use the epi. i’ve had epi’s in my house for years b/c Oldest has an anaphylactic allergy to fire ants, but i’d never had to use it. so … all these years i had an epi injector ‘just-in-case,’ and suddenly ‘just-in-case’ happened. and in a quirky set of circumstances, no one else was at home at that very time – 30 min before or after, yes, but not at that moment. so, i called her doc, he said she needed to go into the hospital to have vitals monitored. but i was completely freaking out so i knew i was unsafe to drive. so i called 911. we live in a little town, so the police, fire and ambulance all showed up (right as school let out – fun for the elementary kids to walk past all that 😉 ). they hooked her up, and the young EMT guy started saying to me, “Look! See! She’s fine! You can calm down now!” and he’s pointing to the monitor with lines going across … like i’m supposed to know what those mean – me, who freaks out with body things 🙂 . he continued to be frustrated with me for not ‘looking’ and ‘seeing’ that she was ‘fine.’ he never ‘got’ that, as a mom, i was totally overwhelmed and could not process all this. he was frustrated b/c he did not know how to rule over me effectively. he’s young … hopefully he’ll learn. but i’m sure that you can see that situation and see how a man with internal authority could have come up to me, a mom totally freaking out over my daughter – who really was fine by that point – and how he could have handled me properly and brought me down from this crazy adrenaline high that i was on so i could ‘see’ she was okay.

        as a woman … i cannot go back and teach this to this young man. but as a man … you can.

        (she’s needed the epi twice since – once with me, and i was calm and handled it well b/c i knew what to expect now. the second time she was at camp – the distance between reaction to proper epi injection meant she was in quite a bit of distress by the time the ambulance got there, but she was in good hands and it all turned out well in the end.)

        i can see this young man trying to rule over a girlfriend or a wife and what a disaster that would be. getting angry with a woman b/c she can’t ‘see’ what you want her to see, wanting to (he couldn’t b/c of his professional position) throw you hands up and walk out on her … that would make him ‘less’ in her eyes b/c she would not feel like she could depend on him. it’s not about trust as much as can she depend on him to be a man? to have that authority? to rule over her? we can trust a man to be a good man, to not run around on us, but can we depend on him to take his God-given authoritative role and rule over us?

        does this make any sense?

        Liked by 1 person

      • to finish the above story … my daughter, who was totally in control … told them to take her into the ER b/c she knew i would not be able to pull myself together. after she left, that same guy continued to get all relevant info needed. and right before he left he said to me, “You really need to learn to hold it together so you can help her in the future.”

        i just stared at him and said nothing.

        because i knew he didn’t understand.

        Liked by 1 person

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