I woke up this morning to twenty-four emailed posts from Kitten Holiday. I’m not sure why there were twenty-four, but I like her blog so I started reading. This post was very good. I believe she gives a man’s lust too little credit, I don’t think most women can comprehend the desire and craving for variety most men deal with daily. I’m not saying we always act on it, or want to, but most find it difficult to ask for what it is they really want sexually out of a fear of rejection, having their wife judge them or find what they want “gross”, or just lack the balls reveal that part of them. However, I think the post is otherwise dead on for many married men.
One thought in particular stood out to me.
“She needs to accept his vulnerability as a sign of his strength and masculinity. A woman will resent a man who sleeps with her and then treats her like he thinks she’s a slut. But women don’t see how when they joke about her husband being a softie or a wuss, she is doing the equivalent of slut-shaming his heart. She is dismissing his need to express this side, dismissing part of his humanity and emasculating him. She may think it’s cute or funny, but it is a deep assault on his masculinity and erodes respect and harbors resentment.”
If a husband told their friends all the delicious things his wife does in bed, revealing the fact that she loves some act that “nice” folks don’t do… or at least talk about in public, she would be hurt, angry, and embarrassed. Yet we have all seen women tell how her husband talks a good game, but is really a “teddy bear”. Yes, a teddy bear for you (at times) but that is just for you. Just like when you do that thing in bed, it’s just for me. Trust me, men would love to brag to their proper couple friends about all the things we can get you women to do behind closed doors. We don’t because it would hurt you. So why do women think it’s okay to tell everyone their husbands are soft and all talk.
Fortunately, my wife does not do this to me. She never has, even without me asking her not to (another reason I love her, she knows how to be a good partner in crime). Just like I never tell anyone about all she does in the bedroom that may surprise people. I know she has told me how good I am in bed when close friends and family ask her advice because we seem “so happy” or the topic comes up of how sex for them is not good. But she doesn’t give specifics or get graphic, just general advice such as use lube. True story, she had to tell a mid forties woman to use lube because sex had always been painful for the woman. Solved her problem after years of painful sex. You would think in the age of Google, this wouldn’t be an issue any more.
If you show your wife your tender side, it is not for public consumption. If she is going around telling everyone at the Memorial Day picnic about your tender side, pull her aside and tell her to stop. If she thinks you are being “silly”, ask her if she would like everyone to hear about how she looks really sexy when she swallows. When she says no, that’s, private and just for you, tell her, exactly…
However ladies, feel free to brag about our sexual talents all you want…