On The Mend

I am now 12 days post op for my distal bicep tendon repair.  I had the soft cast removed yesterday and it was replaced with a brace that has a dial to adjust how much you can move your arm.  It is still at 90 degrees so not much different, better than the soft cast.  That soft cast had my arm feeling like it was in a vice 24-7.  So far I’ve had little to no pain.  I took the oxycodone for two days and took my last ibuprofen about a week in when I realized I hadn’t needed it in several days.

Image result for robotic arms for humans

My cost for this brace was 140 bucks which is supposedly 30% of the total cost.  Whoever designed this thing is an evil SOB.  It is heavy, ill fitting and uncomfortable.  Better than the soft cast, but not by much.  It looks like some kind of robotic arm, but with out the cool strength and ability to choke people out with one hand.  Still, making progress so I am happy and for the discomfort of the cast/brace to be the worst I’ve dealt with, I am very happy.

Psychologically, I am fighting some depression.  I have all my life dealt with a bit of that (never took meds for it of any kind), but this injury is messing with my head.  I have always been the one who took care of everyone.  Now I can barely take care of myself.  My wife had to shower me while in the soft cast, a weird combo of sexy and humiliating. Now, I feel essentially worthless.  Not to mention the muscular atrophy, I find it difficult to look at myself.  Since I was 15 I have lifted weights.  At 47 I am no sports model, but I have developed a pretty thick slab of muscle.  I haven’t lifted a weight since this occurred in the beginning of January.  I see myself wasting away and I cannot go back to normal activities until at least 6 months after the surgery.  Not happy.

Image result for pin up nurse

My wife has been the bright spot through all this.  She did go to the funeral, but was only gone one full day.  She has been awesome in making sure I’m comfortable and taken care of.  Sex has been a challenge with the arm disabled, but she has been great with the workarounds we have come up with.  Sex of some form has been everyday except the day of surgery and the one full day she was gone.  This includes the morning of the surgery when she had me sit in the “Captain’s Chair” as she calls it to give me a BJ.  I was able to preform, but could not finish because I was nervous about the surgery.  I wasn’t afraid of the surgery or pain, but the lengthy recovery had me depressed.  I could not get the negative thoughts out of my head and just enjoy.  It was weird, but she completely understood and I cannot express how much I appreciated her trying to relive my stress in that way.

The best part is she is an Occupational Therapist so I don’t need to go anywhere (or pay anyone) for therapy.  She is going to treat me.  The Doc gave her my prescription for treatment.

Related imageI know it’s a nurse, I couldn’t find an Occupational Therapist pinup girl…

I told her yesterday I’m having a hard time dealing with needing help and she said, “You’ve spent your entire life taking care of all of us, sit back and let us take care of you.  Enjoy it.”

All in all I am doing well.  I go back to work part time on Monday.  It will be nice to get out of the house, I’m going stir crazy around here.

That’s all for now, my arm is starting to ache typing this… I think I need some therapy.

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5 thoughts on “On The Mend

  1. it is VERY hard to be a self-sufficient person and to be brought to a place of such need … to learn to not only need help but to also receive it with grace. and then, beyond that, to ask for it when it’s not anticipated already by another.

    it is very humbling to ask God for help and then to have to accept and receive that help directly through another human being rather than some miraculous something.

    what does it take for God to bend the one who is so self-sufficient, never in (apparent) need of another, who is always the answer to someone else’s prayer?

    we can choose to either see this place as demoralizing, or as humbling and submitting before Holy God.

    it is in this place God can teach us in ways we cannot learn in the comfort of our self-sufficiency. we learn that, truly, everything we are and are able to do and be and become is all about Him and nothing about us. we learn about Who He IS and who we are not. we learn about His incredible love and power. and so much more. and we are strengthened in our inner soul, in the depths of who we are, because in our dark and deep places where the waves relentlessly wash over and over us without rest, we find that not only is He there with us, but He was already there waiting for us, knowing we’d be there, hoping we’d turn to Him when we got there, longing for us to turn to Him, so He could become our everything.

    it is easier for those of use who are so self sufficient to give than it is to receive, but it is very powerful to learn to receive what God chooses to give us and in the ways He chooses. He longs to bestow His blessings on you, and it brings Him great joy when you receive them with joy and grace and gratitude and even, sometimes, exuberance. may you receive His blessings with joy and grace and gratitude, and yes, even sometimes, exuberance 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: From Self-Sufficiency to Being In Need – BlendingAme

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