A while back I had a conversation with a single friend of mine that I’ve been thinking about ever since. He is a good looking guy, makes good money, dresses well and actually owns a house. Despite all the tools to be true “Player”, he is really looking to settle down. He always has a hot girl on his arm, but often, they turn out to be bat shit crazy, he doesn’t like the drama and drops them quickly if they display any signs of crazy. He is still looking for the right girl to marry. He tells me “If they are still available at this age (35-40) there is something wrong with them.” He could (and has) easily attract a much younger woman, but thinks they are a bit immature for him. It’s almost a different generation he says. I’m just glad I don’t have these issues…
Recently, he has been with a very attractive woman who seems to be perfect for him. In addition, she cooks for him, cleans for him, washes his clothes when she is there (she doesn’t live with him). He never goes into detail about their sexual escapades, despite my best efforts to make him talk… However, in general, he has told me she never says no to sex, she gives him unexpected blowjobs regularly, including during road trips, and she actually finds anal pleasurable. Sounds like my friend found a unicorn, right?
So what’s the problem???
He tells me he really does love this woman, and is actually considering marriage (no shit…). But, he says he is concerned about his “wandering eye.” He tells me he still finds himself noticing and attracted to other women. He said he thought once you found “The One” that urge to seek sex with others would subside. I was surprised by his naivety, but understand because although he is naturally good with women, and embraces many red pill concepts (without knowing about the red pill community), we all live in a sea of blue pill propaganda.
I had to break it down to him as I see it. These are my opinions, take them for what they are worth. Right or wrong, remembering these things has enabled me to develop a long, happy, sexually satisfying marriage.
There is no “One” for you.
The notion of finding your soul mate sounds romantic and is the subject of the majority of films, books and other forms of media. However, I do not believe there is just “One” for us. There are billions of people in the world. If you are skilled enough, and have a little luck, you will find one you can make a life with. This does not mean that the one you find is the only one for you. This false assumption has kept many in bad marriages because they wrongly believe they are with their One and they will not find another. Another damaging aspect of this belief is developing “Oneitis.” Ignoring the bad, such as a cheating spouse while leaving you sexless, is one example of a bad case of Oneitis. We all knew that guy somewhere in our lives, and wondered why he put up with it, he believed he was with The One… That’s why…
As a man, your eye will always wander.
Some women don’t like to hear this, others know it to be true and part of the masculinity they are attracted to. I believe it to be part of our evolution that men have a desire to spread our genes to keep our lineage alive. At the same time, it is in our DNA to want to do bodily harm to those who we feel wronged us. When we enter a marriage, we need to accept that the desire to spread our seed needs to be focused on our spouse. You need to accept that attraction to other women does not mean you need to have sex with them. It simply means you find them appealing and appreciate their beauty… or perfect ass… whatever… A wife should understand and accept this is part of our nature, and not a desire to leave her for another.
I’ll use my marriage as an example. Despite innumerable opportunities over the years, I have never been unfaithful to my wife. I truly love her. However, I too have a wandering eye, always have. My wife accepts this and in fact, embraces it. She uses my appreciation of beauty to shape how she wears her hair, dresses, and even is a part of her enjoyment of fitness and the gym. A feminist may read this and think her actions to be shallow and subservient. I believe it to be the opposite, she is embracing her femininity and strength to help improve our marriage, and by proxy, me. We push each other to be at our best and make an effort to encourage each other to new heights.
Her desire to please me is not done out of weakness or fear, she is very confident in herself. Her confidence allows her to at times point out women she thinks I’d appreciate when I miss them. No jealousy or insecurity there.
What you need to understand is you will never shake that wandering eye. You just need to control it. Understand that you cannot act on it, nor should you put yourself in a spot where temptation will get the best of you. It is part of being a man. No amount of blue pill, feminist propaganda will change it. You just need to control it, just like the urge to pummel that asshole in the IT department who gives you shit every time your computer freezes… I hope that stupid Millennium Falcon Lego model he brags about so much falls of the shelf…
My friend is an idiot.
If you land a woman who you like and have fun with, cleans your house (where she doesn’t live), cooks for you, never turns down sex, loves blowjobs and butt sex, you better hang on to her like grim death. You may not have found “The One”, but you found a damn good one. You should probably go buy a lottery ticket too.
Marriage isn’t always easy, but for me it is worth the effort. In my wife I have a lover and a best friend (manosphere cringes). I don’t care. We have fun together. Besides, when you have a wife who is willing to make sure you don’t miss a great set of tits, then give you a blowjob, followed by a steak dinner, what else could you ask for?