When I started this blog, my target audience was married men looking to improve their marriage. Judging from my stats, I have found I have a substantial female following. Which should tell you guys that your women are also interested in improving the marriage, to the point where they are seeking out advice for you. Whatever the reason, I appreciate every one of my followers and those who take time out of their day to stop by.
This post will be primarily for the ladies, they guys will likely already know these things. For the women, it may be hard to hear some of these things, but I think if you are reading blogs like this you are likely aware of these points.
I spent my last five years working, investigating Domestic Sex Trafficking (aka prostitution). Despite the claims of “Sex Workers” advocating for the legalization of prostitution, the average girl prostituting by street walking, or advertising on Backpage and other such sites, are not simply making a living. They are doing so to support a drug habit and doing so because if they do not produce they will receive an ass whipping, and not the fun kind. I realize there are girls who prostitute independently, and are not addicted to drugs and are not forced to do so. Those were not who we targeted and do not fall into that category.
We viewed the girls as victims, and if you saw how the pimps treated them, and the horrible things they did to them, I believe you would agree. Our focus was on the pimp or trafficker. Morality aside (which is a whole different issue), I do question the effort spent on enforcing straight prostitution laws, only as it pertains to consenting adults. Nevertheless, I have learned a lot from the prostitutes, and the johns (customers), as to why men seek out prostitutes.
Yes we had female pimps we prosecuted as well…
Because we were focused on the traffickers, we spent a tremendous amount of time working with the girls, trying to gain their trust, talking to them, trying to keep them from going back to that life. There is a variety of reasons as to why they end up in the life, but that is not the focus of this post. What I want to do here is give insight on why married men go to prostitutes, some reasons are predictable, some will likely surprise you.
Time is money in that world. The faster you get your customer to “pop” as they call it, the faster you can move to the next one. That being said, they consistently gave the following reasons when we asked what the men wanted from them. I believe these same desires are the reasons men cheat and seek other women outside their marriage.
Men Want To Be Desired
Believe it or not, men often talk about their families with the prostitutes. The number one complaint is they are in a sexless or sex starved marriage. Often, even if there is sex, it is of the duty variety with no passion. They often have a wife who never initiates sex and acts like it is a bother when she agrees. Many of the older men have wives who have refused sex permantely thinking they no longer are of the age where sex was necessary. Essentially forcing their spouse into an unwanted life of celibacy.
Then you have the men who’s wives refuse certain acts, including simple pleasures such as oral sex, giving or receiving. Or he is looking for someone who doesn’t treat him as if his semen is toxic by not allowing it in her mouth or on her body. I believe women have a hard time understanding this from a man’s perspective. A man’s semen is his sexuality, in his mind it is him. When his wife doesn’t accept it, or does so with disgust, it is perceived as a rejection of him. “BBBJCIM” meaning Bareback Blow Job Cum In Mouth is probably the most requested act. The BBBJCIM often followed by “WAS” (With A Smile) is the sang for the act used in the profession so to speak. I know the reasons wives give to refuse this request, taste, texture, refusal to submit, ick factor, but understand this, based on the frequency of this request your husband is likely craving it (even if he is telling you “it’s okay”).
Another interesting thing the girls consistently said was that talking sped things along. Meaning by telling the John things such as, “Fuck me harder” “You are so big” and other dirty talk, as well as moaning and using his name, made him finish much faster. Men like their ego stroked, what can I say? Nobody, man or woman, wants to think the person they are making love to is miserable and wishing it was over. When your lover lays there in silence that is the message that is sent.
Not our case, don’t know these folks, but this is common. That’s how much control they have over the girls. Often she is earning his bail money!
Men Are Made Out To Be Deviants For Their Desires
Often, we were told men come to the prostitutes to explore their kinks. Spanking (her or him), feet, clowns, we’ve heard it all. Some we wish we hadn’t… Some we can’t un-hear… However, most were harmless fetishes that wives either refused to participate in or ridiculed and shamed him into suppressing. Therefore, he sought out someone who wouldn’t, to his face anyway… If your spouse wants to do weird things to your feet, or wants to lick semen off your tits (both common requests), religious reservations aside, what does it hurt? Anal sex is a common one as well, this I do understand. It is a very personal act and I get it if someone doesn’t want to participate. Often, the reservations we have are based on fear alone. If those fears are discussed, maybe some middle ground or a substitution could be found to satiate the desire and respect the reluctant spouses reservations.
These are the obvious reasons one would think a man would seek a prostitute. However, we heard the following reasons almost as much as the sex acts.
Men Seek Respect, niceness, affirmation
Of course it is purchased, but if someone is in a marriage where there is none, I suppose I see why he would. Sometimes a relationship would develop (in his mind, she sees it as a business) where he would bring her gifts in addition to the payment. I wondered why, but it was explained that while the spouse showed no appreciation, the prostitute showed abundant appreciation for acts, gifts and deeds, even if fake. How sad.
Men Seek Pleasantness
It was explained that often times the men simply wanted to take the girls out, not sex. This puzzled me as well, but simply put their spouse was unpleasant to be around. To the point where it was better to pay someone to go out with rather than go with one who is shrill, complains and generally makes the evening miserable.
Men Want Someone To Talk To
We first called BS when the girls told us this. What red blooded man wants to pay someone to listen to him or talk to him over sex? However, as time went on we found this was a very common request. It seems some men simply want a sympathetic ear sometimes. To be honest, I think the girls liked this as much as the men because it showed they had value to someone for something other than sex or money. (But they still collected payment for their time. Don’t blame them!)
These are simplified explanations of what we heard, but they cover the most common themes we heard. As you can see, often men don’t need much. Simply a loving wife who doesn’t judge or refuse sex. While this may sound old fashioned, it is what a marriage is supposed to be. If you don’t want to have sex and be a pleasant spouse, get a cat and don’t rope someone into a celibacy or a sex starved state.
The men aren’t off the hook here. Virtually all the men we spoke to (the Johns) were classic betas, lacked the balls to confront their wives, were too lazy to make changes in their marriages and were afraid to leave when they realized their wife wasn’t holding up her end of the marriage. All of this may explain some of their sexual and relational desires not being met. Marriage it a two way street. If you want your wife to desire you with passion, you need to be someone she can feel passionate about.
For the wives, above is a peek into what it is men desire. I doubt it’s anything you didn’t know, but maybe it takes real life testimony from “professionals” to relate what it is that is missing in some marriages.
Please don’t send me hate mail over prostitution laws, or if the girls are truly being trafficked. I can assure you, the victims we dealt with were treated like cattle. Wait, I take that back, at least you generally feed cattle. It was often the girls didn’t get to eat because they were told they didn’t “earn it yet.” My partner and I had one victim tell us when we fed her a real meal while travelling back to our jurisdiction it was the first time in over a year she had a vegetable, she was only allowed to eat off the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s… when she was allowed to eat… This was not the exception, this was common.
In the future, I will do a post on the pimps dynamics and how they lure these girls in. They are true Alpha personalities in their world. It was amazing to hear them talk and see them work. I don’t admire them, they are pieces of shit in my eyes, but I had to admire their tactics.