Someone posted this on Tumblr the other day (yes, I know…). As I read it, I thought how sad it is that people think they need newness in a relationship. Like a relationship is at it’s best when new, and it’s all down hill from there. That is the society we live in I suppose, all has to be new, to be good… I disagree.
“There’s something so thrilling and sweet about the beginning of a new relationship… the heady feelings of lust mingled with passion; the fluttering heartbeat, the breath hitched with expectation, the nervousness that comes with every longing glance and the promise between each kiss…”
I think these things do exist at first, but when the honeymoon period wears off, and you see all your partners warts, I can see where you would like to return to those days of newness. However, if you hang in there, and get to the good stuff. The things that are real and lasting in an marriage. You will get to a point where you surpass that high of newness, and get to a level of comfort (not boredom or complacency) you can never achieve without time spent together, learning each other and ourselves.
So many people end relationships when the newness wears off and they feel they aren’t “happy” or fulfilled. They justify their decisions to divorce or cheat because they aren’t fulfilled at home. Well really, who’s fault is that? What are we doing to improve ourselves? You’d be surprised how often a partner will up their game because they fear being left behind when their spouse improves themselves. Be the leader your wife needs and wants. Show her through your actions how to improve herself.
It’s that middle part of a marriage that is the hardest in my opinion. There are bills, the kids are little and needy, there’s no money or time for adult trips or often even a night out. That is when you long for newness. If you can make it through these trying times, you will get to the good stuff that far outshines the newness. But, you have to engage, you cannot operate on autopilot and expect good things to just happen. Be an active participant in your marriage and you will see the results. It will take work and time, but all good things do.
I’m not saying all marriages will survive. I understand if you have a spouse who refuses to follow your lead despite your best (genuine) efforts, there may be a time to move on. However, I believe this is far less common than the current divorce rate.
Don’t trade all you have invested for the allure of newness. Often you find that shiny new relationship will leave you disappointed… Everything you need is often right in front of you, if you will just pay attention to her…