This is a normal day in my awesome life. I open the fridge this morning and find this note, attached to a piece of chocolate, left for me by my wife.
She gets up at 4am to go to the gym, comes home to quickly shower and get ready for work. Despite her rush, she finds the time to get out the piece of chocolate she got from a vendor at work yesterday, and saved because she knows I like that kind. Writes a note and leaves it for me to find. This is no special occasion for us, it’s simply Tuesday. She does this not every day, but often. About every week at some point. When she does this it shows she is thinking about me even when I’m not around. She is not verbal or emotional with feelings like most women, but when she does things like this it shows how she feels. Despite how it makes me sound… I’ll say it, it makes me feel loved.
I post this not because I want to brag, I am doing so to show how good things can be. We are far from newlyweds, we are married almost 25 years and later this month we will have been together 31 years. The romance doesn’t have to die in a long term marriage. Are things perfect? No, of course not, but in my opinion it’s as close as we can come. That doesn’t mean we don’t try to get better. That’s what you have to do, get better each and every day.
Marriage isn’t easy, it takes work to be successful (like most things in life). If you are struggling in your marriage there is hope, if you are ready to put in the work. As you work towards improvement, remember that you can only control you and your actions. Your wife will have to decide if she is going to get on board or be left at the station. However, I believe most wives want a good marriage and will follow your lead. If she refuses, you may have some decisions to make. If it turns out she is not willing to change with you, by improving yourself you will have put yourself in a better position for whatever comes next.
Don’t give up on her too soon though. Depending on the marriage, she may want to see if the changes are real. Once you show her through actions, not just words, that improvement is the new order of the day she will likely be happy to come with you.
We started out great like this, somewhere along the way I strayed off the path. Things changed, but the love was always there. Fortunately, I was able to find my way back.
You can too.