Discussing sex for most couples is difficult. There are the fortunate few who can freely express their fantasies, but for most it is a taboo topic. This is unfortunate since sex is such a vital part of a good marriage. Can a marriage exist without sex? Sure… But, who wants that?
The question is how do you change the topic of sex from one of secrecy and shame? The answer is isn’t easy and the specifics will be different for each couple. However, the basic premise is the same for everyone. Pull back the shades and let the light shine on those dark secrets we often keep to ourselves.
You can start by working towards making sex a topic not reserved for late nights and only in the dark. Make sex discussions something she feels comfortable with discussing and is expected to share. If this sounds difficult, it is. One way to do this is to shake things up sexually. Initiate sex in places that are out of her comfort zone. Not so much she is afraid of getting caught. Don’t try to fuck her in the Walmart parking lot. Maybe try a different room in the house, out in the back yard whatever, your situation will dictate what that is.
The key is to get her in the mindset that you can have sex any time and any where. There is no “only Saturday nights, after 8pm, before 9pm” any time, any where. Limiting sex to a particular time or place only fosters the idea that sex is compartmentalized in your marriage. If you can her on board with that idea, sexual discussions will come much easier. If nothing else, sex will likely be on her mind throughout the day. If you do it right, she will see the washing machine and remember the orgasm she had on it, the kitchen counter, the couch, the back deck, you get the idea.
Finally, ask her what it is she fantasizes about. Ask her what it is she craves sexually, you might be surprised. That is if you can get her to open up. While most women’s arousal is reactionary (to you) they are capable of dirty thoughts just like men. Make her feel it is safe to share what it is she desires with you. Do not make fun of her later if it’s something embarrassing for her. If you do, that will likely be the last intimate detail she shares with you.
I say all this assuming you are doing your job. Making yourself the best version of you there can be. Working on yourself every day. Making sure you are worth fucking. If you aren’t taking care of your business, you likely are not ready for this step. You need to be in a good place before you take your wife by the chin, look into her eyes and tell her to say out loud what it is she craves.
If you can master this task, your sex life will never be the same. Just be prepared to share your wants as well, don’t hold back. Let her know what it is you think about when nobody is looking…