The idea of men today living in “quiet desperation” is a common idea among manosphere writers these days. There is no doubt many men can relate to this idea when they see the term, but the question is always what to do about it?
The words quiet desperation describing the trapped feeling many men feel in society, particularly in their marriages, brings comfort to men as it gives the daily anxiety they feel a name. Unfortunately, many men lack the intestinal fortitude to escape the chains that bind their freedom to be who they are.
The chains come from many different places such as feminism, their wives, political correctness, but mostly the chains come from a man’s own fear. Fear of judgement, rejection by their wives, ridicule, being ostracized by a group. In reality, the chains come from a man’s weakness. Being afraid of stating what they truly think, how they really feel about a particular topic and most common in marriage, what they really want.
There are many examples of this fear causing a man to mask their true feelings from politics to, God forbid, secretly not liking dogs. (You want to receive a wrath like you’ve never seen? Tell a bunch of dog lovers, aka most Americans, you don’t like dogs…or worse, tell them to quit equating dogs with people and that dogs are not kids so stop calling them your kids. If your dog dies you go get another one, if you lose a child it affects you for life. No comparison so stop…rant over.) However, I will restrict my thoughts on the constraints men put on themselves in marriage. Hiding their true thoughts and wants from the one supposedly closest to them.
What people want out of a marriage varies from couple to couple and even person to person. On top of that, what men and women want can be different as well. While I can give you a bunch of bullshit about how to approach your wife for something you feel is lacking by sharing your feelings, that will usually only get you so far in a best case scenario. At worst it will result in her thinking you are a pussy. Which is not a good strategy for getting pussy…
The truth is after making yourself the best version of you that you can be (which should always come first) you have to have the balls to own what you want and tell her or show her. Each couple is different in their dynamics so while talking may work for some, acting in the heat of the moment may work better for others. The important thing it to be sure she is aware of what it is you desire. Also, remember that what you desire may never happen if she is 100% against it. However, as time goes on her opposition may change, never say never. There are thousands of stories of men with wives who said hell no to anal sex or cumming in her mouth for example, sometimes for years, only to be surprised one day when she has a change of heart. Also be aware that her change may never happen and be sure you can live with that (or without it as the case may be).
One sure way of continuing your life of married quiet desperation is to never act on your desires. Your wife is not a mind reader and doesn’t know what it is you want, no more than you know what she wants. Who knows? You may even desire the same thing and are both too afraid to ask…how sad would that be after 20 years…?
This is admittedly easier in a new relationship. If you bring some kink to the table with a new woman she will likely think you have always been that way or liked that thing you want her to do. Bringing up some kink 15 years in may get her wondering “what porn movie you got that idea from?” Often times, that long into a marriage you have established a “norm” and she is comfortable knowing what to expect from you and what you expect from her. What you need to do is establish a “new normal” for you both.
If you want her to send you a picture of her tits, tell her to. Don’t be shy, don’t act like a little boy asking for a cookie from his mom. Pretend you are her lover and not just her 15 year husband and dad to the kids. You know why a cheating woman will do sexual things, such as anal or blowjobs, for and with the other man and not her husband? Usually it’s because he asks and doesn’t give a fuck. Now if you are married to her you have to give a fuck. However, what is often lacking is the ability to stimulate that sexual being many women keep hidden from polite society. It’s your job to release that sexual being.
If you want to end your marital quiet desperation it is up to you. I always tell my kids when they complain about something “don’t bitch to me about it being dark if you are too lazy to reach out and turn on the light.” That is an old saying that I believe was also used in a country song years ago, however it sums up many of the problems in the lives of people today. Too much feeling sorry for themselves, blaming others for what they don’t have. If you want her to want you, want her to give you blowjobs, want her to do whatever it is you think is lacking, then act. Do the work. Reach out and turn on the light. I promise, you will be happier, she will be happier and the feeling of quiet desperation will slowly disappear from your marriage as well as other areas of your life.