Does your wife insist on having the lights off for sex? Is this a new development? Does she have issues with her body image which are affecting your sex? If so, you are not alone.
These issues can be common in long term relationships, especially when you both get a few miles on the tires. Men and women age differently. Often, men age better than women, depending on your lifestyle of course. This can make her feel self conscious. A woman who takes care of herself in her 40s 0r 50s can look immensely better than a girl in her 20s lugging around 50 extra pounds, a lip ring, blue dyed hair and wearing her “I need feminism because…” t-shirt. Hell, even average 20 year olds are, as a rule, much heavier than in the past. I’m 46 and when I look back to high school I can count on one hand the number of kids who would be considered fat. Now, when I go to my kids high school, fat seems to be the rule. But, that topic is for another day, this is about helping you convince your wife to leave the damn lights on.
Many on the manosphere speak of the advantages of dating younger women. While I agree on some of their points, keep in mind the average manosphere blogger is not in his mid to late 40s, nor married. Therefore their perspective will be a little different from that of a middle aged married man with kids. Not that the tight ass of a 20 year old isn’t universally appealing to men, but sometimes the shit that goes along with that 20yo ass is more trouble than it’s worth. Depending on the ass…
As a married couple, I believe men and women have a responsibility to keep themselves in some kind of shape that is appealing to their partner. After all, if you are going to be serving the same meal for 30, 40, 50 years it better be good. The reality is age and declining fitness creeps up on all of us. That is no excuse to let it ruin your sexual relationship. If your wife is not what she was when she was 20, she may be feeling a little embarrassed by her naked image. If she can legitimately do better you have the responsibility to encourage her to improve herself for both of you. You should not succumb to the feminist fairy tale of fat acceptance and “beauty comes in all sizes” or whatever bullshit saying they use to justify obesity.
It’s not easy to tell your wife she needs to do better, but being married isn’t easy, being a man isn’t easy, add it to the list of things in your life that are not easy. If you yourself aren’t exactly a sports model, the easiest way to motivate her is to hit the gym. Don’t even say anything at first, just do your thing and see if she comes around. It’s likely she will on her own. If not, you may have some work to do.
So what if your wife is already a gym rat, looks pretty damn good, and still carry’s this insecurity? Women in their 40s have likely had kids that resulted in some stretch marks, may have “skin blemishes” that are only visible to them, may be concerned about a stubborn pocket of fat that just won’t go away, welcome to middle age. If this describes your wife, you have a much easier road to success. Half the work is done.
My wife fits the latter case. She is definitely a gym rat. She is in the gym seven days a week doing something, some days twice a day, and it shows. She looks amazing. Many years ago when I got back in the gym, she followed close behind on her own, asking me to add her to the membership. She is always one of the best looking women in a room, even with girls half her age. Trouble is, she doesn’t know it or believe it. She always makes comments about her age and fitness. I don’t think it’s sadness or vanity over getting older, I believe she has become self conscious over catty comments from other women, along with a sense of humility she has always possessed. She is a very compassionate person and doesn’t want to make anyone feel bad. Very encouraging to those who want to try the gym. However, we all know how women can be to each other, particularly one who sticks their head up above the crowd.
As an example of my wife’s view of herself, we were watching a show on cable with a female character who has a snake tattoo that wraps around her body, ending by her eye with the mouth. The show is West World, if you watch it, you know who I’m talking about.
This doesn’t do her justice, but it was the only picture I could find right now…
As we watched her walk through the West World facility, nude, in the season finale wearing only the tattoo, I said to my wife, “You should get a tattoo like that.” Joking of course, she would never do that. She replied “Yea but, I don’t look like that.” This was a very sad statement to me. In reality, my wife looks better than that, but she honestly doesn’t see it. She will be naked in front of me, we shower together very often. I broke her of the no lights rule many years ago, but she still seems self conscious to me. She often hunches her shoulders, concealing her perfect breasts, as if she is embarrassed. In the rare occasion she walks to me upright, shoulders back, chest out, confident and comfortable, she is the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen. Sure, there are many attractive women in this world, but when you have been married a long time, there is something to be said for the familiarity between a man and wife. Sure “Strange” and a new ass is good, but so is a sex with a woman who knows just what you like and things click. If you’ve had sex like that, you will know what I’m talking about.
This is what we are targeting guys.
Some men may say what I’m talking about is “Oneitis”, but it is not. What I’m talking about is commitment, marriage and sexual exclusivity you share with your wife. I’m talking about appreciating the stretch marks and that come from carrying your kids for you. Let her know you how you see things, how the sag here, and stretch mark there do not bother you. They are part of your journey together as a married couple. Encourage her to display herself to you as a wife should. Explain to her that hiding and modesty is not acceptable behavior for a married woman in her own bedroom. Tell her how you want her to be in the bedroom. Whether that’s wearing something you like or completely naked tell her. You’d be surprised just how compliant your “strong willed” wife can be if you take the initiative and direct her where you want her to be.
Like many things when it comes to the red pill marriage, it can be intimidating to talk to your wife with authority after years of replying to her with, “Yes dear.” Next time tell her the lights stay on, or light a candle, or use some other method to diffuse the light so she can feel more comfortable. The bottom line is to take the initiative to direct the scene for both of you. For example, some women don’t like doggy style sex because things sag, but if you tell her with authority to get on her knees, particularly after you have her aroused, she will likely show little to no resistance. If she refuses, don’t let it ruin the sex, move on and talk about it later. Maintain frame and she will submit to you.
After all, that’s likely what she wanted all along.